the bad: i am a mean, superficial, shallow, vain, egotistical, cynical, sardonic, malicious, vindictive, spiteful, malevolent, malignant, self-absorbed, arrogant, conceited, shameless, narcissistic, egocentric, sacrilegious, perverse, sadistic, materialistic, frivolous, shrewd, childish, immature and selfish bitch who displays unorthodox, obstreperous behaviour. in short: i can be a total bitch, and i am not afraid to admit that i enjoy it.

the good: however, i too, can be a nice, gentle, demure, elegant, sophiticated, cosmopolitant, graceful, eloquent, cultivated, educated, pleasant, intellectual and well-bred young lady. i have no spurts of pms-es and i do not sulk in public - after all, you never know who's watching. also, i have a generally well-controlled temper and am patient, unless i am dealing with those little undeserving brats (ie, kids), which is a totally different matter altogether. i like to perceive myself as a talented young musician with a bright future, which i (pardon me, i don't mean to boast, but) believe i actually am.

the ugly: in order for you, Dear Leader Reader, to understand me further, i have very graciously agreed to including one of my habits. here we go. the best time to manipulate me is in the morning. there are only THRE reactions to this "equation".

a) i will nod mutely even to the most absurd of requests. besides the fact that i have not brushed my teeth and the effect of my opening my mouth will be worse than the bomb which dropped on hiroshima, it is because my brain needs a longer reaction time. therefore, to ensure this submissive action, please keep by my royal bedside for the whole night.

b) i will reply with an assortment of primitive grunts, groans and moans. usually, they are harmless and your wish will be complied to with hardly as much as a protest. but:

c) occasionally, if i'm in a particularly foul mood, grit your teeth and expect a series of kicks, scrathces, bites and gouging. this has never happened full-scale before, which just menas that when it does, the magnitude of it will be larger, so be prepared to lose an eye or a limb that you are particularly fond of. all i can do is to apologise 6 hours later, when my brain is active.

and so, that, is that.
the queen decreeded this on Friday, Nov. 21, 2003 at 5:14 p.m..
beauty and truth